


A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

by evol_love



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Connor Lives AU, Michael Lee Brown!Evan, Multi, Pining, Set in Anna phonecallfromgod's "you are the stars" verse, Underage Drinking, Unresolved Tension, high school parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evol_love/pseuds/evol_love
Summary: What better way is there to get to know your new boyfriend's best friend than inviting him along to a high school house party with the two of you? What could POSSIBLY go wrong?





	A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You are the stars (I am the girl with the bright light)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12980781) by [phonecallfromgod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phonecallfromgod/pseuds/phonecallfromgod). 



> Hey y'all! So this fic is set in the same universe as Anna phonecallfromgod's INCREDIBLE fic, "You are the stars (I am the girl with the bright light)" which you should absolutely read, though whether you read it before or after this it kinda works either way. In this AU, Connor lives but allows Evan (and Jared) to keep up the ruse of emails and friendship for awhile because he can see how it's helping his mom. Zoe and Evan still date. 
> 
> Consequently, since this fic takes place in high school, it's not especially happy or especially resolved but there's SO much happiness and resolution in Anna's fic, which takes place a few years later. 
> 
> Enjoy!

She spends the entire school day steeling herself to ask Evan to the party. She knows, she _knows_ this isn’t exactly his ideal setting, that there’s a hundred other ways he’d probably rather spend his weekend, and if he really protests, she’s not going to force him. Still. She wants to at least try. These parties always seem like they’re going to be a lot more fun than they really are, but the idea of them is always so exciting, and she likes seeing her friends outside of school. Everyone’s so much more relaxed, so much more in their element. She wonders if Evan might settle into the atmosphere just a bit like everyone else does. And the idea of going to one of these things and being able to hold onto her boyfriend’s arm as they duck through the crowded living room and kitchen, having someone there to laugh with and holds hands with as she sips at her plastic cup, someone who’s there just to have fun with _her?_ Well. It’s more intoxicating than the alcohol swiped from unobservant parents is bound to be. 

Evan meets Zoe at her locker at the end of the school day. Normally she’d have band, but they had a performance this week and the director generously gave them a few days off to recoup before holiday concert season started up in full force. She’s just grabbing her physics textbook when he tentatively approaches, peaking around the metal door of her locker and saying, “Hi!”

“Hey,” she says with a soft smile. She’s still feeling a bit nervous about this, but if she puts it off any longer, Evan’s bound to have made other plans for Friday. “Hey, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Oh,” Evan seems a bit thrown off, a crinkle appearing between his eyebrows as he thinks about his schedule. “I uh, I didn’t really have plans but I guess I just sort of? I guess I thought I’d probably come over to your house but, but of course your family doesn’t need me um, doesn’t need me there all the time? I don’t want to like, like, like take advantage of them or anything, they’ve been so nice, and I just-”

“Evan, hey, it’s totally fine, breathe. I’m sure Connor would love to see you, you should definitely come over.” She rubs his right arm soothingly until he’s stopped babbling, or looking like he wants to continue babbling, then continues with what she’d wanted to say in the first place. “I was just asking because there’s this party tomorrow night - it’s at Leo’s house, I think you’ve met him? Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you’d want to go with me? It’s going to be kind of packed, and I know that’s maybe not something you’re interested in, but it will probably be fun. You don’t have to say yes, we can do something else tomorrow night if you want.”

Evan had initially looked a bit deer-in-headlights when she brought it up, but now he looks like he’s actually considering it. 

“I, yeah, we should go, it’ll be, uh, uh, it’ll um, be fun?” He looks terrified, but there’s so much sincerity in his eyes that it breaks Zoe’s heart. He’s clearly trying, wants to do this for her. With her. 

“Are you sure? I mean it, we really don’t have to go, there will be other parties.”

“No, no, let’s do it. I, I want to go.” He smiles at her. 

“Really?” She can’t help but beam at him. They’ve gone on dates, but mostly they’re at school or at her house with her parents who are barely keeping their marriage together and her brother, Evan’s best friend, who’s coming out of one of his worst depressive episodes in years. None of this is to say she doesn’t love them or that she resents spending time with her family and her boyfriend. She just wants something for _her_ , just this once. 

“Yeah.” He looks a little less anxious about it now, looking back at her, and she bounces up onto her toes to peck him on the lips. He blushes the way he does every time she surprises him with a kiss. It’s adorable. 

“Awesome.” She bites her lip, trying to think of what she could possibly do to make the night any easier for him. “Hey, you should invite Jared and Alana!”

“What?” Evan says, suddenly guarded again. 

“I just think it might make it more fun for you. Well, for both of us. I know you know a lot of the people who will be there, but having your friends there might make it better all around.” Evan doesn’t look quite convinced. “You don’t have to, not if it’s going to make you uncomfortable. I’d say we should bring Connor too, but I don’t really think he’ll want to go.” He nods in agreement. 

“No, yeah, you’re right.” 

He’s still mulling it over when a flash of a familiar, loud shirt catches her eye, and she calls, “Hey Jared!” 

Evan jumps in surprise, looking around quickly for his friend. Jared had stopped in the hall and turned to see who was calling him, and his eyes land on her seconds later. 

“Oh, hey.” He looks torn, like he really wants to keep walking but social convention is obligating him to stick around and talk. She sighs; she’s not sure why, but every time she talks to Jared, she’s more certain she’s annoying him. Or bothering him. Or. Something. And it sucks, because she and Jared used to get along so well when he was still in band with her, and he’s friends with her boyfriend, and she wants so so badly to fit into Evan’s world the way he fits into hers. “Hey Evan.” Evan nods at him, offers a “hey” so soft that even Zoe can hardly hear it, and they’re still touching, her hand on Evan’s arm. She glances at Evan, asking again with her eyes, because she doesn’t want to overstep or ruin this. 

“Hey, Jared?” Evan asks, and Zoe smiles. 

“Uh, yeah?” Jared raises an eyebrow, looking annoyed that he’s being stalled on his way out of school for the day. 

“Um, are you, what are you doing tomorrow night?” 

Jared frowns. “I was probably going to hang out with my friends, why?”

“It’s just, well, Zoe and I are going to this party tomorrow and it would be- do you want to come with us?”

From the look on Jared’s face, Zoe’s pretty sure this is all about to go South, so she adds, “It’ll be really fun, a bunch of people are going. We were going to ask Alana too, maybe some others? Make a group out of it?”

Jared looks from her to Evan, an unreadable expression on his face before he sighs and says, “Yeah okay, I’ll tell my camp friends I can’t make it.”

“Wait, really?” Evan blurts out. She resists the urge to elbow him in the side. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that. 

“Don’t sound surprised, can’t let you have _all_ the fun this weekend,” Jared says. “Besides, any excuse to get drunk. Exams are coming up.”

Zoe groans. “Don’t say that,” she says, starting a laugh from Jared. He grins at her, unexpected, and she starts to feel something like hope. Maybe this party will be a chance for her to fix whatever weirdness had built between the two of them. 

“Hey, you still have a level one license, right?” Jared asks, and Zoe nods. 

“Yeah, usually I get one of the seniors in band to drive me.”

Jared shrugs. “I can drive you guys.”

“Seriously?” Zoe can scarcely believe her luck. Jared’s being...nice. Accommodating. Friendly, even. “That would be awesome, thank you! I can give you gas money and stuff, of course.” Jared waves the suggestion away with a hand. 

“Nah don’t worry about it. Where is it?”

“Leo’s? Leo Andrews? I don’t know if you’ve ever been, he’s had a couple parties in the past. He’s just out by the freeway on-ramp, almost out of town?”

“Okay, cool, yeah I’m not worried about it, that’s not that far.” He turns to Evan. “Am I picking you up at your house, or will you be at,” he jerks his head to indicate Zoe. 

“Probably at Zoe’s?” he says, looking a bit sheepish and glancing at Zoe to confirm. “Yeah.”

Jared rolls his eyes, and it’s so blatant and in both of their faces that Zoe almost thinks it can’t possibly be as hostile as it comes off. No one could be that blunt to people they just offered a free ride. 

“Okay. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Just text me what time.” With that, he walks away, not even sparing them another glance. 

“Is he okay?” she asks, lowering her voice for reasons she’s not clear on. She looks up at Evan and he’s frowning, eyes tracking Jared as he disappears into the throng of students exiting the building. 

“I don’t know. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure.” She closes her locker at last, having grabbed everything she needs for tonight's homework load. “Do you want to text Alana about the party, or do you want me to?”

“I can,” Evan says, pulling his phone out. He types out a message and Zoe puts a hand over her mouth so Evan won’t see the way she can’t help but smile at his endearing, erratic typing style. He hits send, then looks back at her. “Do you want to head back to your house now?” 

She shrugs. “Sure. We could swing by Panera, maybe? I want a smoothie and we’re still off dairy at home.”

Evan smiles. “Won’t your mom notice the smoothie?”

“Not if I drink it before we get home. We could go inside and sit down. I’m not in a rush to get back.” Evan pales a little at the prospect of going into a restaurant, and she takes his hand, rubbing his palm with her thumb. “Hey. I’ll order for you.” He smiles gratefully. Then there’s a buzz, and Evan lets go of her hand to check his texts. 

“Oh...” Evan frowns as he reads. “Sounds like Alana’s, um, really busy tomorrow night? She’s helping with a food drive, or, or, a blood drive? It’s not really clear.”

“An all-purpose drive,” she muses. “Well, that’s too bad. It would be nice to actually spend time with her for once. We’ve, like, never really spoken.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s fine. Some other time.”

She slings her backpack onto her shoulders and turns to look at him expectantly. “Ready?” He nods, and she takes his hand again. 

As they head to her car, it crosses her mind that she’s now voluntarily spending her Friday night at a party with her anxious boyfriend and his friend who doesn’t seem to like her at all. Perhaps the weekend won’t actually be the reconciliation of things she’d hoped for. 

\-----

The ride to Leo’s is uneventful, but honestly Zoe’s glad for it. Things feel so strained in the car. She’s more than ready to climb out of Jared’s minivan and go into the house to get drunk. The music is plenty audible from the driveway, and the street is full of cars. There’s no way this party isn’t getting shut down before the night’s out, but she’s determined to have fun while it lasts. She takes Evan’s hand and can actually feel how stressed he is as they look at the house, people spilling out onto the lawn and smoking weed out by the back shed where they think no one can see them. She squeezes his hand. “Ready?” Evan swallows, then looks at her and nods. “Jared?” she asks, turning to face the other boy. He’s typing on his phone with what looks like incredibly forced nonchalance and her heart pangs again. 

“Sure,” Jared agrees. “Lead the way.”

Her eyes linger a minute longer, trying to figure out how to fix things just by looking at him, then she charges ahead, sticking close to Evan so she can gauge if he needs to leave. 

The house is, predictably, the picture of chaos. People across all four grade levels are grinding on each other in the living room as “Anaconda” reverberates through the house, empty beer cans are strewn everywhere, and people are sloppily making out right in the entryway, by the front closet. 

“This should be _outlawed_ ,” Jared says, and she laughs under her breath.

“It already is.”

“Right. Well. Someone should call the police.”

“Don’t say that too loud, we’ll get kicked out before we even get to participate in teenage mayhem,” she says, and she can see him grinning. God. Why can’t it always be like this?

“Well we should definitely go find some alcohol before these idiots drink it all,” Jared agrees, heading towards the kitchen. 

“Do you want anything?” she asks Evan. “Please don’t feel like you have to drink.”

“No, no, it’s fine, yeah, I’ll drink something.” Evan seems a bit jittery, anxiety and giddiness warring with him as he contemplates getting tipsy. 

“You’re cute,” she says, kissing his cheek, and he smiles back at her. “You’re feeling okay?” Evan glances around at all the people around him, then quickly jerks back to look at her. Just at her. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” She squeezes his hand, then pulls him along with her towards the kitchen on their quest for drinks. Jared is already in there, has already acquired a can of beer. 

“I _hate_ this town,” he tells her when he spots her. “I can’t believe this shitty high school party has _craft beer_.”

“God, I _know,_ ” she agrees. Finally someone gets her. He passes her a can then nods at Evan. 

“Do you want one?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“You sound a little unsure, bro.”

“Jared, come on.”

“Do you want it or not?” he says, but he’s smiling, and Zoe laughs. Seeing Jared and Evan actually being friends is honestly heartwarming. It’s so obvious they care about each other, even if Jared sometimes pretends he doesn’t care about anything at all. 

“Jared, yes, come on, give it,” Evan whines, and Jared takes pity on him, tossing him a can. Evan doesn’t catch it, of course, and yelps as the can lands on the counter behind him. 

“Sorry,” Jared says, his expression looking anything but. Evan picks up the can and fumbles with the top. 

“Wait, Evan-” Zoe starts, but then the beer is foaming and all over Evan’s hand. Luckily, it doesn’t spray, or really get on anything but Evan’s hands. 

“Shit, sorry,” Evan says as she pulls him over to the kitchen sink to wash up. 

“Don’t be sorry, _Jared_ threw it.” She shoots Jared a look and he attempts to look innocent. She rolls her eyes. “It’s fine. Just next time don’t open a beer when it’s all shaken up. It’s like pop.” He nods, absorbing her words as he dries his hands. 

“Look at it this way, now he’s learned. Really you should thank me for helping with this life lesson,” Jared says, taking another sip of his beer and grimacing. 

“Well, don’t expect a thank you card,” she says. “Come on, let’s go in the other room, it’s crowded here.”

“Sure,” Evan says, putting an arm around her and walking out, turning his back on everything but the two of them. She glances back at Jared, who had started to follow them, had moved from where he was leaning against the counter, and who was now watching Evan incredulously, eyebrows raised as if to say _“...alright then.”_ She gives him an apologetic look, but she’s pretty sure he’s not looking at her at all.

\-----

Zoe’s not sure how much time passes, maybe 45 minutes, before it starts becoming obvious Evan is feeling the alcohol. She’s never seen him drunk before. It’s both concerning and charming, because he isn’t weird or flirty or angry or any of the other things she’s seen at these parties, he’s just incredibly sleepy. 

“Hmm, can we sit down?” Evan asks her. They’ve been in the room the music is coming from, which means half the room is drunk people dancing sloppily and the other half of the room is couples making out or people trying to get other people to make out with them. Zoe has no idea where the two of them fit into any of that. 

“Sure,” she laughs. “Are you okay? Do you want some water?”

He shakes his head. “No, just wanna sit down for a little bit.”

“Okay,” she says, smiling and pressing a kiss to his cheek, another to his mouth. He makes a little squeak of surprise, and she wonders if he’ll ever get used to her liking him. “Come on sleepy, there’s room on the couch.” She leads him over to the big leather sofa, one end of which is occupied by three very loud girls taking selfies but the other end of which is empty. She settles Evan on the very end so she can sit between him and the chatty girls so as not to alarm him. They just sit there for a moment, Zoe setting her beer down on the end table and Evan watching the room around them. Then Evan leans his head on Zoe’s shoulder, and when she glances down, his eyes are closed. “Ev, come on,” she chuckles, wiggling her shoulder a bit to wake him up.

“What?” he asks, looking around in confusion.

“You were falling asleep on me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s totally fine. Let’s get up though maybe? Or like, if you’re really tired we can go.”

“No! No, I’m totally fine.” He grabs her beer off the end table, and she’s about to reach for it, but then he takes a few gulps from it.

“Ev, that was mine,” she says. She doesn’t really care though, she wasn’t planning to finish it anyway. 

“Oh my god you’re right, you’re right, I’m so, I wasn’t thinking at all, I’m sorry, I’ll go grab you another one.”

“Hey, no, it’s okay. Just, you can finish that if you want to, but then slow down maybe? I don’t think you need anymore.”

“You’re probably right,” he says, sounding as embarrassed as he looks. “Sorry.”

“No harm done,” she says. “Hey, have you seen Jared in awhile?”

Evan frowns. “I don’t think so...he was in the kitchen?” He thinks for a moment. “Do you uh, do you know where the bathroom is here?” 

“Yeah, there’s one around the corner but I bet it’s full, I’ll take you to the one upstairs.”

They get up from the sofa and head over to the staircase, weaving through dozens of drunk teenagers on their way. Even the staircase is spilling over with people talking, laughing, dancing, kissing. Zoe’s ears are ringing. 

“It’s the second door on the left, okay? I’m going to step outside, it’s so stuffy in here,” she tells him. “You’re sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine, I’ll come out and find you.”

“Okay.” 

She watches him go, feeling uncomfortably like a nervous parent letting their child go off on their own, then turns and heads out the front door without another thought. 

The cool night breeze on her skin feels absolutely heavenly after sweating in a house with about 200 other sweaty people for an hour. Inside is stifling and crowded, but out here is refreshing, peaceful even, and it’s just her. 

Or, she thinks it’s just her until she hears something to her left and whips her head around to see someone else sitting on the far edge of the porch. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t...Jared?” she stammers out stupidly, squinting into the dark. She’s about 80% sure it’s him anyway, can make out his glasses and his profile. 

“Fuck, of course it’s you,” the person says quietly, and yeah, it’s definitely Jared. He swipes quickly at his eyes, which, what, then says evenly, “Hey.”

“Uh, hi, are you...are you okay?” she asks, because. Jared is crying. She can’t _really_ see him in the dark, but she can hear the sniffles now, sees him wiping a few tears off his face, and oh god Jared is _crying._

Jared chuckles. It sounds awful. 

“Never been better.”

“Are you drunk?” she ventures, trying to figure out why on earth Jared Kleinman is currently crying on the front porch at a Friday night house party. 

“Yeah,” he laughs. “Yeah, I’m pretty fucking drunk. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I’ve hardly had anything, I’ll drive us home, we’ll just go nice and slow so we don’t get pulled over because I don’t think my parents could handle me getting into legal drama right now on top of everything else that’s happening.”

Jared is quiet. 

“What?” she asks, perhaps a touch defensive. 

“You just constantly surprise me.” 

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing.” She’s not sure why she’s pushing it. 

He shrugs. “Could be.”

The air around them feels incredibly quiet. A faint line of music from the house catches Zoe’s ear, and she asks, “Oh my god is this Jason Mraz?”

They both listen, Zoe straining to make out the lyrics over all the yelling inside, and sure enough there he is, crooning along with Colbie Caillat, “ _Lucky I’m in love with my best friend...”_

Jared groans. “I _hate_ this song.”

Zoe wrinkles her nose. “I think it’s sweet. Even if it is kinda dumb.”

He rolls his eyes at her. “Yeah, you would.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She’s not sure how much he’s joking and how much she should actually be offended; it’s hard to tell with Jared sometimes. 

“It’s like, I don’t know. It’s bright and happy. You’re bright and happy. It fits.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Sure.”

The music cuts abruptly to an utter uproar in the house. The kid DJ-ing was probably too drunk to realize he was blasting gentle singer-songwriter tunes throughout the house. Someone must’ve finally taken control of the situation. 

She hesitates, then goes and sits next to him. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”

“Everything’s fine, ‘m just being dumb. How’s Evan?” he asks. “I saw, uh, I stepped into the living room for a second and saw he fell asleep on you.”

“Oh, right,” she laughs. Then she remembers that was just a few minutes ago, that Jared must have come out here just after that if he beat her outside. She wonders what on earth happened to him in that time. “Yeah he’s okay, he’s just in the bathroom right now. Honestly he’s really tired, we should probably leave soon, if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to, um, spoil your fun.”

“I think I’ll get over it,” he tells her, and she’s glad at least his sarcasm is still functioning. “Having a good night?”

She sighs. “I’ve had better,” she admits. He frowns, looking up at the night sky. 

“Hey, do you still draw stars all over your clothes?” he asks. She laughs, startled. 

“What?”

“In band, whenever Mrs. Cole was droning on and on during class you’d pull out a Sharpie and doodle. It was funny. A lot more interesting to watch than Mrs. Cole.”

“Oh be nice, she always seemed so sad.”

“Yeah, what the fuck happened to her? She left teaching like the year after we left middle school.”

“No idea. It’s too bad, she was kind of dull, but I liked her. She was always so patient with everyone.” She looks at him. “It was nice, wasn’t it? Being in band together?”

“Yeah. I liked trumpet. Loud.” she snickers. 

“God, I hated how many trumpet players we had when I was in 7th grade, it was so shrill.”

“Sorry. Well, I’m not that sorry. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but being annoying is kind of my thing.” she doesn’t miss how bitter he sounds. 

“What happened?” Zoe asks again, unsure whether she’s asking about tonight or just, what happened, in general. Why are you like this. Why do you hate me sometimes. 

“What do you mean?”

“We used to kind of be friends, right? Do you remember that.”

“Yeah,” he says, and she realizes with horror he sounds like he’s about to cry again. “That’s why it sucks.”

“What?”

Of course, _of course_ , that’s when Evan steps out onto the porch. She likes him so much, but his timing is consistently dreadful. 

“Are you ready to go?” she asks him. The moment is broken anyway. 

“Oh, yeah, sure, did you want to leave? Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you here.”

“I’m okay, but you’re tired, you should probably get home. And I think Jared’s ready to go too.”

Evan squints into the dark, brow furrowed, like he’s just realizing Zoe has company. 

“Oh, hi Jared. I didn’t, uh, I didn’t realize you were out here.”

She glances at Jared and swears she sees his chin quiver. 

“Yeah, long time no see, asshole,” Jared grits out, and Zoe’s heart sinks. She can already see how the rest of this evening is going to play out. Nothing is going to change. Nothing is going to get better. She’s still not going to understand Jared. Evan’s just going to be upset and confused. Who knows what Jared’s going to be feeling. 

“I’m sorry, um, I guess we kind of lost you inside?” Jared looks miserable, and Zoe thinks she gets it, maybe. Maybe this is exactly the problem. “It wasn’t, I wasn’t trying to, you know, we weren’t-” Zoe has no clue where Evan is going with that sentence, and she’s almost grateful when the door opens again and a couple guys step onto the porch with them. 

“Hey, you guys wanna smoke?” One of them asks, indicating the bowl he’s about to light. 

“I’m good,” Zoe says, although frankly she’s tempted. Evan looks absolutely terrified at the sight of _marijuana_ right there before his eyes, but Jared is definitely considering it. 

“Nah,” he says at last. “I shouldn’t, I’m driving.”

“I’m driving,” Zoe corrects. 

“What?”

“I’m driving. You’re drunk.”

“Oh. Right.” Jared looks a bit caught. “I’m just gonna, uh, head inside real quick and pee.” She’s pretty sure he’s actually going to go try and make himself look a bit less like he’s been outside crying for ten minutes, but she’s certainly not going to say so. 

“Okay. I’m going to say some goodbyes, we’ll meet you by the front door in five?” Jared nods his agreement, then walks away so quickly the door slams all the way back against the house before swinging shut again. She turns to Evan, who appears to be nodding off while standing up. “Do you have any idea what might be up with him?” She asks.

“Hmmm?”

“Never mind.” She goes inside and Evan follows close behind, and she ducks through the slightly thinned out crowd to find her friends in the kitchen and say goodnight. 

“Bye Zoe, have a good night,” Jen says, throwing one arm around Zoe and pulling her in for half a hug. 

“Yeah, you too, bye Jen.” She’s about to turn away when a girl next to Jen says, “Hey, is Jared cool?”

“What?” She’s about 95% sure this girl’s name is Leslie; she was in Zoe’s civics class last year.

“Jared Kleinman? You guys are friends, right? He seemed really upset earlier.”

“Yeah, he did. I asked him but he said he was just pretty drunk, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Leslie gives Zoe a weird look. “Uh...I offered him another drink after his second beer and he said he was done for the night because he’s the designated driver.”

Zoe just stares at her.

“Like, he’s probably tipsy, but he’s not, like, hammered.”

Zoe nods, unable to do anything but feel the way her veins seem to be running with ice water suddenly, because Jared had _lied_ to her. She turns to look back at Evan to see if he’s also upset, confused, but he’s barely listening, resting his head against his hand, elbow propped on the counter. God, how much had Evan even had to drink? She probably could have guessed he’d be a lightweight, but she hadn’t really expected him to fall asleep all night. 

“I don’t know. But I’m gonna get him home safe, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” she repeats. She feels like she’s a third party in this conversation, like she’s on the outside listening to herself talk. “We’re gonna head out, okay?” She shakes Evan’s shoulder gently to wake him up, let’s him blink away his confusion for a second, then pulls him to the entryway again. She needs to go. 

“Was starting to think you left without me,” Jared says when he sees them. 

“Jared it’s _your_ car. I don’t have your keys.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“I just realized...it’s you car. If I drive you home-”

“I’ll just pick it up in the morning, it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“You’re the one who has to explain why there’s a random car in your driveway to your parents. I’ll just come super early and tell my parents I slept over at Evan’s or something.”

“Okay, if that works. I’ll come pick you up in the morning, drive you back to mine?”

“Whatever.”

Zoe might just cry herself.

\-----

Evan falls asleep in the backseat. Jared and Zoe had made the mutual decision that he was far too drunk to be seen lest they get pulled over and had put him in the back. He’d seemed pretty content to lie down across the seats and close his eyes. It would be cute if she wasn’t so stressed. 

The car ride is silent.

“Sorry for being kind of a downer tonight,” Jared says as Zoe pulls into his driveway. 

“I was kind of a downer tonight too,” she sighs. She glances in the backseat where Evan is sleeping soundly. “It’s been a weird night for everyone I think.” She looks back at Jared and has to stop herself from actually gasping at the wrecked look on his face as he looks at Evan. 

“Thanks for the ride. I’ll see you in the morning.” Jared has unbuckled his seatbelt and is out of the car in seconds, all but running to the safety of his house. She watches to make sure he gets in okay before pulling back out and onto the road. 

“Hey, Evan. Evan. Wake up.” He makes a little snuffling noise but doesn’t respond otherwise. “Evan!”

There are a few groggy noises before she hears him stirring, sitting up. “What?”

“You fell asleep.” Again. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Zoe, I didn’t m-”

“You didn’t mean to. I know. Do you want me to take you home or do you want to spend the night at my house?”

“I told my mom I was spending the night at Jared’s so I could go to the party without her finding out, so.”

“So my place. Alright.” It simplifies things. She can make this drive even when she’s on autopilot like she is now. “Hey, do you have any idea what was going on with Jared?”

“Jared?”

“He was kind of, kind of _off_ all night? I went outside and I found him-” she bites her lip. Suddenly she’s not sure if she should be telling Evan this. She has no clue why she feels that way. “He seemed upset. Really, _really_ upset.” She sucks in a breath. “He’s been sort of weird around us for awhile, I think.”

Evan’s quiet for so long Zoe’s sure he’s fallen asleep again, and she’s in the middle of rolling her eyes to herself when he says, “I sort of wondered if maybe he, uh, liked you?”

It startles a laugh out of her. “ _What?”_

“I don’t know, he was always sort of weird talking about you? I always assumed he was just, he was just joking around, you know, he does that, but now he won’t even look at me when, if you and I are together, he won’t look at you and he won’t look at me, and I sort of think. I don’t know. It’s just a guess.”

Zoe replays the night in her head, replays the conversation they’d had on the porch, the “ _of course it’s you”_ and _“I_ hate _this song”_ and “ _That’s why it sucks so much.”_ She replays how fucking helpless Jared had looked watching Evan in the kitchen, in the front yard, just now in the car. 

Her stomach lurches, because suddenly everything clicks horribly into place. Evan’s wrong - she hadn’t thought for a second the issue was _Jared having a crush on her_ \- but perhaps Evan’s not entirely on the wrong track after all. 

“Shit,” she says, and at last she feels the tears that had been building all night fall. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Evan pipes up, sounding concerned. Her heart softens just a bit; he’s hard to stay mad at. Even when he fucks up, even when he gets it all wrong, he just means so well, is so unmistakably good. Well-intentioned. 

“Yeah, I’m just so tired,” she sighs. It’s not a lie in the slightest. 

They get out in the driveway, careful to enter the house quietly to avoid waking anyone up. All the lights are off and they fumble blindly through the house until they make it upstairs to the bedrooms. 

“So I know you normally crash in Connor’s room but I don’t want to bug him, is it a big deal if you just sleep in my room for the night?”

“Oh, um, yeah, that’s fine,” Evan says, surprised. They’re both exhausted, far too tired to even contemplate being anxious about Things happening between them tonight. Zoe’s ready to sleep for days. 

She throws on pajamas while Evan is brushing his teeth down the hall, frowning at her phone as she tries to think of what to say. At last, she types out a quick message, that sets her phone aside. She doesn’t want to think about it anymore. It’s not a perfect text, not by a long shot, doesn’t say even 1/100th of what she wants to say, but it does the job. 

_Hey. I’m sorry tonight was kind of the worst. Thanks for being a friend. I’ll be there around 9._

Evan walks back into the room then, rubbing his eyes and closing the door probably more forcefully than he means to. He’s still a bit drunk. 

“You can take my bed, I’ve got plenty of spare blankets and stuff for the carpet.”

“No, Zoe, oh my god, I’m not going to, I can’t, this is your room and I can’t just, you can sleep in your bed, I’ll sleep wherever you want.”

She raises an eyebrow. “I _want_ you to stop arguing and just take the bed. I’ll survive one night on the rug. You need sleep.”

He sighs. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

A pause. 

“I don’t know.”

“Good night, Evan. Sober up. I hope you won’t suffer too much in the morning.”

“Yeah, me too,” he says softly, and she laughs despite how weary she feels. Her eyes shut of their own accord before she’s even settled on the spare pillow she laid out for herself. God, she’s ready to crash, let future-her deal with all this. She hears Evan’s breathing even out almost instantly, and feels envious. Deciding to turn her brain off for a bit, Zoe turns over and finds her best sleeping position, idly counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 to try and calm the restlessness in her head. Now is the time for sleep. 

She’ll worry about it in the morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think, read "You are the stars (I am the girl with the bright light)" and follow me on tumblr at mlbevan.tumblr.com


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